Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
