she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
