I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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