he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
