Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
