I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
