i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
