Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
