Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
