I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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