i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
