brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
