The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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