I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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