I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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