wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
