I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
