There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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