dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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