I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
