So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
