white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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