i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well I just put wine in my tea
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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