I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
