I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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