my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
