he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
