Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
