wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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