Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
