I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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