I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My pussy is not your playground.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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