So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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