Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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