Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
