i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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