How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
