and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
