I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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