there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
