I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize