She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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