New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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