We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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