I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you win again, gameday.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
