Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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