I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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