dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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