I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
