Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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