Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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