The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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