I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
