Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
