I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
