New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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