The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
