i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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