you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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