if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
