I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
