he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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