last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
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You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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