I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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