i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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