So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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