Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
