you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
