I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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