There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
