So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
