why didn't you poke me back
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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