there's paper in my vomit.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
