The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
