we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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