Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
