i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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